Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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