Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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