i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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