Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
