it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
