I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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