Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize