it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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