tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
