The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
