3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
