my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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