Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
