hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
