ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
