69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
