I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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