Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
