Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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