i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
