I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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