You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
