So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
