We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
