Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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