Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she looked like the before picture.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
