McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize