i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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