Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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