i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
