sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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