Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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