no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
