so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
