I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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