It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
