that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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