If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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