I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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