Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
