Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
