at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
