She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
