: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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