ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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