your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is wine microwaveable?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You can't just leave with hair like that
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
