In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
