College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
