P.S. I can't hear my feet
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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