I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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