I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
