I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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