So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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