The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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