Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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