Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i dont even know how to be here
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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