I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
