addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
