I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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