I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
