Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
