Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
