I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am spending my child support on dildos
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
