dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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