I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
