Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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