I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
