How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
