super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
