Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
