apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my poor anus
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize