My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
