Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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