Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
