I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
