clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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