I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
