im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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