thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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