Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
