I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
