dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
