Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
