y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
