i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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