tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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