i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
