Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
