gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize