my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it because I queefed?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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